For many people, the holidays are a time of joy, expectation, and delight. But for those estranged from their families, grieving lost loved ones, or overwhelmed with financial, health-related, or other kinds of stress, the holidays can be an unwelcome reminder of what’s missing in their lives.
It’s OK to feel lonely at Christmastime. And if that’s you — if you feel like you’re watching the festivities through a window while you’re outside in the cold — we want you to know that you’re not alone. Many other people feel that way, too. And God is with us.
Here are a couple of reflections from people who know what you’re going through.
We Are Never Alone in the Family of God (by Karina Allen)
Who doesn’t love the holidays? Me.
Well, it’s not that I hate them. It’s that the holiday season isn’t exactly my favorite time of the year. Why, you ask? I’ll tell you: family.
Families can be wonderful, but they can also be a lot to deal with. In my case, they’re just plain nonexistent. It’s not that I don’t have family — I do. But we’ve been estranged for as long as I can remember. I grew up with my maternal grandmother, who passed away my freshman year in college. My father passed away when I was young. I’m not close with my mother or my siblings due to the fact that we didn’t live together. As for my extended family, they’re spread out across the country.
So, there you have it: my complicated relationship with holidays. I’ve spent my fair share of them alone, pretending I wasn’t sad and lonely. Sometimes, though, I’ve received an invite from a friend. Those become sweet times of being seen and loved and welcomed into another family.
Friends can be family because God’s definition of family is bigger and wider than ours. I’ve walked through being forsaken. It’s hard, lonely, and devastating. But there is hope: “Now you are no longer strangers to God and foreigners to heaven, but you are members of God’s very own family, citizens of God’s country, and you belong in God’s household with every other Christian” (Ephesians 2:19 TLB).
That’s what the body of Christ is supposed to be, right? Family. As the family of God, we belong to Him, and we belong to each other. God created us to be in community where we are known, valued, and wanted. There we find love and a warm welcome waiting. We are no longer orphans but daughters and sons in the family of God.
A prayer for this season:
Father, thank You for the gift of You through Your family. Thank You for inviting me in with open arms and a warm embrace and for being my comforter in times of loneliness. Thank You for providing friends who become family. Give me eyes to see the lonely person whom I could welcome in like family. In Jesus’ name, amen.
When We Feel Lonely in a Crowd, Jesus Notices Us (by Rebecca Petersen)
The more everyone chatted happily about Christmas plans, the lonelier I became. Overwhelmed with working as a teacher and caring for my husband, I had no idea how to survive until Christmas. Holiday activities I enjoyed before my husband’s spinal stroke, like decorating and baking, were now luxuries of time, and I didn’t know how to shoehorn them into my schedule.
How is it that sometimes we can be lonelier in a group than when we’re actually alone?
That question reminded me of the woman in Luke 8 who had suffered from bleeding for twelve years. Considered unclean, cultural norms of the day dictated that she live apart from her family and friends. During that time, she was lonely until she braved the crowd because she believed Jesus could heal her. I imagine she felt more alone than ever amid the people. Yet she pushed her way through the crowd until she could touch Jesus’ robe. Miraculously, she was healed. Healed, she was able to return to her people — no longer alone.
What’s more, Jesus noticed her in the crowd and sought her out.
Often, we hear this story and think of her faith and physical healing, but today I am left thinking about her loneliness. After years of being invisible, she would forever know that she was visible to Jesus. She reached out to Him from the loneliness of the crowd, and He assured her that she was not alone.
When our circumstances lead us to feel like outsiders — invisible and alone — He offers us that same certainty. Therefore, we can reach out from our lonely place and know that He sees us. What’s more, He is with us in every season (Matthew 28:20), ensuring we’re never alone.
A prayer for this season:
Heavenly Father, thank You that You are always there for me. No matter how far removed I feel from those around me, You’ve shown through Your Word that You notice every one of us. Thank You that when I reach out to You, You leave me less lonely. Remind me of these truths when the lonely feelings in a crowd press in. Amen.
Adapted from Praying Through Loneliness, compiled by Kristen Strong.
In a season of loneliness? Take comfort in the stories of other women who share their own honest experiences of feeling isolated, struggling to find friends, and still finding a meaningful way through.
Praying Through Loneliness doesn’t skip over the sadness and hardship loneliness brings. It doesn’t offer trite advice or give spiritual formulas to shortcut the slow work of friendship. Instead, it offers an empathetic and hopeful accompaniment in the dark night you are walking through.
Spend the next 90 days with come-alongside friends and the God who has said from the beginning that it is not good for us to be alone; let them lift your burden of loneliness.
Karina Allen is devoted to helping women live out their unique calling and building authentic community through the practical application of Scripture in an approachable, winsome manner. She lives in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, where she is active in her local church and women’s ministry across the world through writing, counseling, coaching, discipleship, and worship leading. To connect with Karina, visit her at forhisnameandhisrenown.wordpress.com.
Rebecca Petersen is a preschool director and teacher relying daily on God’s grace, mercy, and love to hold tightly to His peace and joy in the midst of unexpected challenges. She is three years into a caregiving journey for her husband after a rare medical condition resulted in his quadriplegia. Settled in Colorado after twenty-three years as a military family, Rebecca enjoys hiking, reading, and time spent with friends, her two amazing children, and her precious daughter-in-law.
