By Desiree Hartsock Siegfried

Editor’s note: The world met Desiree Hartsock Siegfried as an ABC Bachelor contestant and star of Season 9 of ABC’s The Bachelorette and quickly fell in love with this down-to-earth girl looking for love. What follows is a part of her story taken from her new book The Road to Roses.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.” —Romans 8:28

One thing that made me feel secure as a child was praying. Every night, my dad prayed with me before bed, and I prayed for everything in my young life: my friends, my stuffies, to get good grades, for my teachers, and so on. Starting from the young age of six, whenever I went to the store, I prayed I would find money, and more often than not, I would discover an errant penny or dime on the floor. Sometimes I even found a crinkled dollar bill hiding underneath a shelf. Keep in mind this was back when coins and money were the main form of payment. Even when my prayer wasn’t answered, I kept on praying each and every time.

I wasn’t asking for money because I wanted to be rich. Instead, I was seeking reassurance—reassurance that I was heard, that I wasn’t alone, and that God desired to bless me. My young mind didn’t have the comprehension to understand what I was doing, but I was practicing faith. I was praying for things and believing they would happen. Little Des had big dreams and wanted big things to happen in her life, even if she couldn’t fathom the path to them.

I never did pray that my family’s situation would change. Poverty had been the backdrop of my life for so long that it was like the air I breathed. It just was and I simply accepted it, and the difficulties that it brought, as normal. However, they were anything but normal.

Once, in first grade, my teacher talked to my mom because she’d noticed my hair was slick and oily. Little did she—or my mom—know I’d been adding bath oil to my bath every night, not knowing that it needed to be rinsed out if I got it in my hair. Another time in third grade, I threw up at breakfast. I should’ve been kept home, but even if my mom encouraged me to stay home, I wouldn’t; I was tougher than a little vomit, I thought, and I loved school. So off I went, throwing up repeatedly before arriving on the bus and then some more once I got to school. I stayed in the nurse’s room till school was over since my parents couldn’t come get me, and a teacher had to drive me home.

Sometimes I didn’t have the proper clothes to wear to class and was embarrassed to wear lounge shorts as daywear. Throughout fourth grade I had a super cute, second-hand, color-blocked pink coat. It was one of my only jackets and definitely my favorite. There were two rectangle-shaped pockets on either side of the zipper that were stitched onto the base of the jacket. Well, these pockets would not stay on! They continued to come loose from the jacket every time I wore it.

I didn’t want to have to ask my parents for another jacket, so as an independent and innovative little girl, I would take my mom’s needle and thread and sew the pockets back on by myself. To keep from being embarrassed, there were a handful of times I would keep my hands in my pockets during recess at school to keep them from coming loose from the jacket and flapping down. This meant I would sit out of playing any game that involved using hands or would opt to stay inside to avoid the possibility of anyone seeing my faulty jacket.

Through everything, I was aware that I was different from the other kids who had parents to drop them off and pick them up and who came into each semester with brand-new outfits and shiny school supplies featuring characters from popular TV shows. I found compassion in the neighborhood kids who, in even worse situations, never judged.

In hindsight, it’s interesting to see how I was plucked from obscurity to be placed in the spotlight to find my happily ever after, a “rags-to-riches” story. But the grim truth is that my life, from childhood to young adulthood, embodied the “rags” part of the phrase. I didn’t sleep by a fireplace or have dirt on my face like Cinderella, but my childhood was defined by want, both emotional and physical. Those two shadows followed me for a long time.

When I was cast on The Bachelor, all of it came with me—the wounds and the walls and the wants. But God was working. And I don’t mean only during my time on the shows and the opportunities that they ultimately gave me. I mean he was working in my heart way back in that small closet space. I now see that he heard my cries and had a plan for me, even though I wasn’t aware of it at the time. At every step, he was drawing me to himself, whispering in the darkness to that young girl who longed for love and validation. He knew what I needed and that he was the only one who could give it to me.

It was impossible to see at the time, but God was taking the dark threads of my past and weaving them into a tapestry of redemption and beauty. I can see now that my transient childhood made me open-minded, deeply appreciative of nature, and humble. I had an understanding that God is my ultimate home. My family’s poverty taught me that happiness isn’t found in huge shoe collections or luxury handbags, that real treasures are stored up in heaven, and to always give to those who are less fortunate. Even my brother’s teasing is redeemed through God’s love. Because of it, I’m stronger (both physically and emotionally), empathetic, and determined to stand up for those who’ve been hurt.

But while the truth that God was the only one who could perfectly love me awaited me, I didn’t understand or live in the freedom of Christ for a very long time. No, it took a long journey to truly set aside the lie that I was unworthy, a journey that involved the complete upheaval of my life on reality TV.

Taken from The Road to Roses: Heartbreak, Hope, and Finding Strength When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned by Desiree Hartsock Siegfried. Click here to learn more about this book.

When Desiree Hartsock was offered the opportunity to star on The Bachelorette, she thought she was finally getting the life she always longed for. Yet her reality TV dreams gave way to rough roads of unexpected twists, public scrutiny, and rejection. Now for the first time, Desiree reveals in this rivetingly honest book how she found her resilience and love after all—and you can too.

Desiree Hartsock was living paycheck to paycheck and freshly—not to mention painfully—single when she first stepped onto the set of The Bachelor. Then when she was selected to star as The Bachelorette, she thought surely this turn of events promised a second chance.

Yet Desiree’s debut on the world stage also meant facing the critics, as viewers judged her every word and action. She was devastated when Brooks broke up with her and the entire world observed her humiliation. But what the world didn’t see was the comeback journey that followed. The Road to Roses reveals:

• The emotional journey behind the events that played out on camera
• The mindset changes that kept Desiree open to love and trust even after heartbreak, that ultimately led her to choosing her husband
• And the off-camera journey of the lessons Desiree learned, like how to always fail forward, stay true to yourself, and trusting that despite the external pressures, God loves us just as we are

For anyone who is looking at the pieces of their lives and losing hope that they can be put back together again, The Road to Roses offers an authentic guide for finding your grit to keep going and make yourself proud no matter what pressures you face. Whether your heart has been broken, your dream has been put on hold, or your character is being put under pressure, following Desiree’s journey will give you courage to stay strong in your own.

Desiree Hartsock Siegfried became a part of reality TV as an ABC Bachelor contestant and star of Season 9 of ABC’s The Bachelorette. But those shows were really only the beginning of her journey that led her to marrying her husband who she met on the show, becoming a mother of two boys, creating her Desiree Hartsock Bridal line, and launching The Heart of Purpose podcast. Desiree lives life in Oregon with her family and you can connect with her at DesireeSiegfried.com.